Testing out the 85

Since every once in a while we need to take some time out for ourselves and without the time to process or post photos, I have taken a little time today to do so. Also thanks to my brother-in-law I was able to borrow  his 85mm Nikon 1.8 which is a nice little prime I have used in the past. Here are a few shots I took a couple of weeks ago that I just posted on Flickr and will post here as well…Enjoy, and there is a ton of stuff to go through in the next while so look forward to some more macro, abstract, darkness and light painting coming your way in the near future!

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Right Handed

So I am predominantly right-handed, but do a lot of things left-handed as well. And am very right-brained as well – anyone who knows me or has read through some of this blog can figure out the right-brained bit. Right brained individuals are said to be more creative, which I can attest to, but can also be a way for ADHD to manifest in an individual. Thats sort of me in a nut shell, lots of great ideas and creative ability, but lose focus pretty fast on most things. My brain chemistry is a little different from most because of this whole right-handed/left-handed bit as well. There is a clinical name for how my mind is set up, but of course I can not remember what it is. The only reason that I even know about it all is that a good friend of mine, who is set up with the same right/left weirdo anomaly that I have, was tested for some reason and told me all about it. Funny too because we are both very alike in many, many ways.

Anyway, I am right-handed but golf, bat, shoot (in hockey), and do most things like this left-handed. That is the whole thing of it. But here are a few shots that I have taken lately to illustrate different points. The interpretation is always up to the viewer, although some may strongly disagree, but this is the reality…we all walk around with our own ideas, and ways in which to see the world. My right hand…

Oh yea, the tattoo on my thumb was done in NYC in 2003 as a momento of the whole experience. I knew it wouldnt stay, stay on my thumb; and have had it gone over probably 4-5 times since. It is there but is fading for sure, as all tattoos do over time.

The larger tattoo over my wrist is three parts. The top 1/2 says “Nowhere to go” Meaning this moment is all we have so we may as well just relax into it, amoung many other meanings which I will not write about now. This is a Zen ideal. Along the side (right side of wrist) is a small lotus. If you dont get the lotus symbolism look it up. “At home in the muddy water” is a good analogy for life and the peaceful warrior. and on the bottom of my wrist is the Buddha’s eyes in a meditative like state. Blue highlights all over the entire piece. Anyway…

Been a Crazy Long Time!

It has been a while so I thought I would just throw up a few photos, just cause…Enjoy.

(C) Kyler Evans, All Rights Reserved.

More Cemetary Shots

Uneven Ground

Elevated Walkway

Thought that I would post a few shots from another cemetary shoot last week, or the week prior – I cant get my weeks straight. I love the marble in the one area I shot, so many reflections. Many more to come…maybe not just in the Cemetary though, right?

Tunnel Vision

Be a Lamp unto Yourself

This last one is an HDR. I have become addicted to HDR and the colors or effect that you can get with the software. I find that my shooting is maybe suffering a little though cause I just want to do everything with HDR. So I vow to slow down, although I already have…Hope you enjoy…

HDR

(C) Kyler Evans 2009, All Rights Reserved

The Suchness of Reality

'06
 

  I uploaded this painting a while ago and it just sits in the side bar in “drafts” cause I dont know why exactly I uploaded it so I thought I would use it first. This used to be my favorite painting (that I have painted) as it seems to convey a certain mood.

 

 I had moved to Kimberly B.C to do a practicum (2006) and was spending alot of time alone, writing and painting and just doing those kinds of things. I started to really witness the universal reality of sadness and the absolute connection with all around me. It was an interesting time in my life. I was overcome with intense feelings of sadness almost all the time for a period. It was a very transformational experience.

The whole thing of it is just the reality of existence, things fade in and out of existence and we are faced with life and death everywhere we look, it is only a matter of opening our hearts and our minds to what else is going on around us. We need only begin to move a little away from our egoic existence in order to begin to witness the world – and our own egos – in a different way. We are terrified as individuals to really embrace sadness, but sadness and emotional intensity does not have to be something to fear. As we look further intraspectively through contemplation,  meditation, and yoga (I also use art for meditative and reflective purposes) we the grip of the ego begins to loosen and provide a newfound freedom that we never thought was possible. I will quote the Heart Sutra here as it gives such a great description of this;

            O Shariputra, form is no other than emptiness,

            Emptiness no other than form;

            Form is precisely emptiness,

            Emptiness is precisely form.

            Sensation, perception, reaction, and consciousness are also like this.

            O Shariputra, all things are expressions of emptiness:

            Not born, not destroyed; not stained, not pure; neither waxing nor waning 

 

 

This is a great conversation between the Buddha and one of his students. I feel that the Sutra really speaks volumes to challenge what we think we know about everything around us. Another quote I did want to include and comment on is in regards to therapy (as a therapist). This quote is from Mark Epstein who is a Buddhist psychiatrist out of  New York:

 The traditional view of therapy as building up the self simply does not do justice to what we actually seek from the therapeutic process. We are looking for a way to feel more real, but we do not realize that to feel more real we have to push ourselves further into the unknown.

Such a great quote to give us a new perspective on things when we are looking at life and especially the internal verses the external reality. As we look outside of our “selves” and build our “selves” up more and more we begin distance from the consciousness that we are. To feel “more real” as Epstein says, one must begin to look at the structure of “self” itself, and deconstruct certain “fixations” and “illusions” through the process of what many others  call inquiry. As Maharshi states; “Self-inquiry is to focus the entire mind at its source. It is not, therefore, a case of one ‘I’ searching for another ‘I.’ 

 

So to start simply take up the contemplative practice of “who am I?” It is not just a thought “who am I?” It is a contemplation on “who am I?”  Not thinking about it, contemplating it. Similar to a Zen koan in which it is a question that may take the practitioner years to answer, or realize that there is no answer, the self-inquiry of “who am I?” is a long deconstructive process by which we can begin to know Self/consciousness. Enjoy…

 

(C) Kyler Evans, All Rights Reserved

Windy Night in the Cemetary

The wind was howling and roaring as we shot in the cemtary last night and our eyes played tricks on us. Seeing glowing lights in different areas of the area, we never did go far enough in to see what the light was. It seemed the longer we were there, the more the wind was working up the courage to ask us to leave. We took the hint and left after an hour or so. Some nice shots, or so I think. An interesting night and a good reason to go back there on a clear, non-gusting night.

So I Finally got back to the cemetary last night to shoot. I was also able to borrow a FiSh EyE LEnS to take the shots which was wonderful. I love the effect and the angles you can get with a fish eye, so wild. Here are a few shots, I only did one HDR which is the first shot in the series and remember you can always go onto flickr to view in a larger format:

Pathway to Darkness HDR

Cemetary Tree

Flowers and Headstones

FiSh EyE TrEe

2009 Kyler Evans, All rights reserved.

NOTE: Permission for the use of my images is granted for personal websites and blogs (THAT MEANS NO ADDS AND NO SELLING OF ANY KIND) but must include a link back to this site and proper credit given to me for my work, Kyler Evans.

Link to be used…(https://arisingphoenix.wordpress.com/)

More HDR Remakes

It seems as if it has been a really long time since I have done this…anyway, I (as is seemingly looking like the case) am still going through old shots that I have not looked at in a while, and am finding that they are pretty decent (or at least some of them) and since I would shoot alot to try and get the various meanings of; apeture, shutter speed, metering, white balance, and all the other interesting jargon that goes along with digital photography and photography in general. I found I can turn some of the shots into HDR. Hdr rather.

Just a quick note, I tend to see the compositions, not the technicallity of it all. I am still learning how much I can actually do with a good lens and a camera that is for sure. And in all that I complain about processing shots, there is definitely an art to this as well, that I dont really know well. But we are all students in life arent we? Okay, so maybe not everyone.

Back to the original story here…So as I am looking through these shots I am noticing, again, that I tend not to look at shots on the computer after I go out t shoot, cause I dont like processing photos at all. It takes alot of time, and I dont have any luck with computers, at all, so I am stuck with a working space that takes anywhere from 2-10 mins to load a picture into photoshop or capture nx (which are the two programs I use the most, although photomatrix has been a fave for a while too). All that said it does not make for a “good time” processing, so I usually end up painting or going out to take more shots instead. Im into a more embodied style of creativity, I suppose (whatever that means??).  But here are a few that I have been chipping away on…

The first two are from a late night industrial adventure in Calgary with my brother-in-law, upon which, we witnessed a truck pull up and a transaction (a more embodied one) took place between two individuals a little ways away from where we were shooting. Although my brother-in-law disputes the type of transaction that took place, never-the-less, a transaction of sorts took place….

Industrial HDR 1

Industrial HDR 2

Here are another couple shots from that night as well…

Conventional Pespective

Perspective I like a Whole lot More

So I may as well share the last HDR (although Im sure that I will post many more in the near future). It is from Park Lake (which is more of a scummy pond than anything else when it comes to swimming) which is a favorite spot of mine, not only to shoot, but just to collect myself and have some introspective time, or to write. Enjoy…

 

Park Lake HDR 1

As Always, You can also view these full size on the flickr link on the right of the screen…

In Progress

In progress…

 Peering through the glass door,

                One just never knows,

                                What the depths will bring you,

                                                Or if the hole will close.

Looking at the earth,

                It breaks my heart in half,

                                Yet, I still don’t know,

                                                If there is a true path.

Trapped behind a curtain,

                I sat by idle and cried,

                                No freedom or respect their,

                                                And no matter what I lied.

It all just seems so crazy,

                So fucked up and surreal,

                                What I had to do for survival,

                                                Begrudgingly… start to feel.

The really big issue was that, I never got to heal,

from all of the suffering, pain and utter shame,

being on top of the world ,

                                then wanting to blow myself away.

The rollercoaster up and down,

                Made my mind twist and turn round and round,

In a ridiculous circle,

                                (Have you seen that internet commercial?)

                                                                The wild comments and allegations,

But I worked there too and,

And even then, had my own reservations,

But I wanted to help,

The suffering addicts,

                To find the life,

                                                I thought I had,

Until I did some reading,

                                Which made me feel sort of sad.

I somehow feel guilty,

                But know if was not my fault,

                                And yet that does not seem to,

                                                Jive with the all the thoughts, in my unconscious vault.

I never wronged,

                I loved and cared,

                                For others whom my empathy,

                                                Was completely shared.

See,

That is just the problem,

                The issue that I have,

                                I just feel things so deeply,

                                                Which sometimes makes me very sad,

It comes and goes,

                Mind ravaged with madness,

It feels so numb only, fro – Zen

The pathless path,

I was once on,

                Or so it feels,

                                On my brand new, Road to ashes.

Cause here’s the thing,

                Here’s the catch,

                                I know in my heart,

In the bottom of my soul,

                I must die again,

                                Like ashes in my pipe bowl.

I am afraid,

I am unsure,

                                                It makes no sense,

                                                                                                And is quite fucking obscure.

This psychedelic trauma,

                And the rest of the Trip,

And it feels like an iceberg,

                This is only the tip.

Sure I had some issues,

                Who the fuck does not? 

Write it on the tissues,

Used to untie my minds knot,

                Of which all,

Was the credit that you took,

                                Did you write my thesis too?

Did you write my fuckin book?

                                These words are only,

                A representation of how I feel,

I wish you could see,

                How it is for me sometimes to deal.

 I cannot blame,

                I cannot point the finger,

But the struggle I have,

                                                Is that it still lingers,

Within my vast,

                Psyche in fact,

                                But I still have trouble,

                                                Knowing how to act,

In many situations,

                What the hell is that supposed to mean,

                                                SITUATIONS.

I guess that’s the thing,

                When we are all really asleep,

                                And unaware of the fact,

                                                That most of us are just a bunch of fuckin sheep.

I have a real problem,

                With being a sheep myself,

                                and I know that most of time,

it is very bad, indeed, for my mental health.

For no one likes a person,

                who comes off as confident,

                                and Ill tell you sometimes,

                                                it is hard to pay the rent.

In this world,

                This place that we have built,

                                9-5, 44 hours a week,

                                                While our being just continues to wilt.

A fuckin madman,

                I must be,

                                To make the any of the claims,

                                                That I be,

 Whatever.

 That’s just the Alberta in me,

                The redneck, yes indeed,

That can’t see all as equal,

                Or that people that are in need,

Of a community that gives,

                Not tears us all apart,

                                A community of love,

                                                That we all take in part,

Some responsibility and some real reflections,

                And a lesson to be learned in freedom,

                                A thought that when we look at him,

                                                Not everyone wants to be him.

Or him, or her,

                In your fuckin little cult,

                                Wake the fuck up, and realize,

                                                The abuse that you have dealt.

This is the voice,

                The voice of just,

A scared little boy

                                A child who loved, and cried, and felt fear,

And at times could also be very coy…

2006-2009 Kyler Evans, All rights reserved.

NOTE: Permission for the use of my images is granted for personal websites and blogs (THAT MEANS NO ADDS AND NO SELLING OF ANY KIND) but must include a link back to this site and proper credit given to me for my work, Kyler Evans.

Link to be used…(https://arisingphoenix.wordpress.com/)

HDR Frenzy

Cemetary Gate HDR

The last couple days, the sun has decided to come out to say hello, so I decided to go and greet this wonderful entity. The interesting part of it all was, the sun decided to play hide and go seek all day long. The lighting changed drastically from moment to moment, a lot like life. Nothing remains stagnant, only movement, death and rebirth. So I spent the afternoon in a cemetery. What a beautiful place to go. The trees all have so much character and depth, while even situated off a busy road (although the other side backs onto the huge coolie in Lethbridge) it was silent. Giving me lots of time to reflect and appreciate the interconnectedness of life and death, family and attachments. There is so much wisdom that can radiate from a tree. I think that we can learn so much from a tree when it all comes down to it. When a storm comes, they just go with the flow, roots grounded and balanced. Not trying to resist what is.

 

I want to face life like a tree…Tree in a Puddle

So this shot up top is one of the few that I took for an HDR. Then I thought I would try to unwrap it all in photomatrix as well. Quite happy with this shot here as well….

Psychedellic tree

Also did a decided to take my orange cokin filter to see what it could do with HDR, the orange filter seems to pick up very well when it is a little bit cloudy or has that grey lighting outside; which was the case when I took the shot. Its a little weird, but it is what it is.

Walkway to everyones fate

And last but not least, I ripped home after the cemetary in the afternoon grabbed some food and when out to an area I have never been before that is a few minutes away from my house. The colors were sort of muted, so I thought that I would also have the HDR reflect that, it sort of fades in and out of color and is really surreal. I posted a bunch more shots on flickr, if you are interested as well as these shots in full size.  Please enjoy and comment if you like it or hate it or what, I am good either way.

Going Southwest

 

 

2006-2009 Kyler Evans, All rights reserved.

NOTE: Permission for the use of my images is granted for personal websites and blogs (THAT MEANS NO ADDS AND NO SELLING OF ANY KIND) but must include a link back to this site and proper credit given to me for my work, Kyler Evans.

Link to be used…(https://arisingphoenix.wordpress.com/)